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Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will compete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6



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i think my brother's insane.

first he believes you can just ling shi bao fuo jiao, aka, ask for more practice exam papers the day just before the paper itself, because he thinks that thats the way he can remember. not to say that i dont do that sometimes, but i think its plain silly because how can you finish so many exam papers in just less than 24 hours? i dont think so. i think i would probably fall asleep on a stack.

secondly, he wants to book the function room for his tuition class potluck a week before the sat he planned it to be on. he's weird. firstly, saturdays are dangerous, you have to book early before the whole condo decides to have a party on that same saturday in the function room. thats, 5 blocks x 5 lift lobbies x 8 levels on average x 4 units = alot of families staying in maplewoods. so, i dont know how he's going to manage that. lets see how he manages, at least he has a more sane neighbour who happens to be in his tuition classES (i feel sorry for benjamin, thats our neighbour's name) to help him with the planning.

thirdly, he is convinced that air can blow out through your tear ducts! and he claims its tried and tested. he says: "ay ay! you know what, air can come out through your tear ducts! if you blow right, close your mouth, close your nose, pop your ears, so that all the air doesnt come out through those holes, then the air will come out through your tear ducts! serious! try!" and according to him, someone squirted milk out through his eyes after drinking a cupful of it and its recorded in the Guiness Book of World Records. how absurd! but i reckon it must be true if its IN the World Records! i mean, you have to like, prove it to the world or something before it gets in there. but then again, the last time i checked, nasal passages arent conjoined to your tear ducts, right! at least i think it isnt! SERIOUSLY. come on.

i think perhaps my brother is deformed.

how awful.

a shout of praise.
2:47 PM

first time using beta blogger, feels different but there's nothing really different about it. how weird.

anyway, incandescent was last night. in a sense, i wonder if i actually was any good; incadescent is meant to be camp followup, but i didnt follow up on any of my group members, it didnt even occur to me until i started blogging. (how queer right? perhaps blogging makes me reflect more on things that have passed. thats why i like to blog) i guess i was hanging around too much of the people in my crowd. mm, oh sigh. we learn new things everyday.

today's another one of those days with nothing to do. but its good in a sense that i need the rest, cos tomorrow is going to be a pretty long day. from church at 8.30am to games and then watchnight and going out after watchnight, which will end at goodness knows what time. its going to be a whole day at church i tell you! it is also bad however, cos i'm bumming around and i dont like bumming around.

ooh, that sounds exactly what my mom will say. you know what, i think i'm turning into my mom. she's obsessive about keeping places clean, and she's always keeping herself busy. in a sense i dont think thats bad, but i want time to chill. i want time to relax and do my qt, i want to be lazy (in a good way), i want to search for God in the peace and quiet. sometimes i think being to busy gives me no time for God. and perhaps all these nothing to do days are somehow God planned, and i do thank God for every opportunity of rest that He has given me. (:

some how uni next year seems kind of scary, although i'm sure it'll be pretty fun and exciting because of what God has in store for me. uni, is a place that i never imagined myself to be at now, at my age. somehow it seems too fast since everyone's not at uni yet. its scary and daunting, because i dont know anyone taking the same preference. (but, thank God i have God, because i know He will provide, like He did this year.) its scary and daunting because uni is just... uni, you know! its so different from school. lectures, tutes, projects, assignments, exams, modules, majors.. all these big words! overwhelming sometimes, but i guess we all learn right? some how i know that i take comfort knowing that God will provide, but i worry about it. perhaps the best thing to do is to pray.

anyway, i'm feeling flabby today. again. i've been feeling flabby the WHOLE WEEK. i think this is a fat phase again. not that i'm going to do anything about it. i think the most i'd probably do is whine about it. so people beware of what is to come. LOL! you'll hear about fats the whole week. hahahah, i think i'm such a lazy pig when it comes to exercise! i hate getting sweaty. so swim, i hear you say. naw, how ley chey, need to change into my bathers, then pin and tie up my hair, get down to the pool and swim a few laps, then i need to bathe after that before all the chlorine seeps into my hair, and makes it resemble hay even more, PLUS its been raining these past few days, i dont want to get sick. you get the idea. hahaha. i think i shall just stay in and read my book (: eye exercise man, does wonders.

so one more month till i leave man, or rather, less than that, after tomorrow, i have 23 days! i have no idea what im going to do actually. maybe bum around, but thats not exactly a very good use of my time is it? and everyone's in school, so... i cant exactly go out. perhaps i'll go volunteer at melrose, i love the kids there. (: especially this girl called liting which i happened to meet during caroling. and i did promise to go back. and since i love kids anyway, maybe, maybe. we'll see how.

a shout of praise.
12:22 PM

He's the One who makes the sun shine,
He's the One who puts the moon in the sky,
He's the One who hung the stars,
One by one.

He's the One who makes the birds sing,
He's the One who makes your dreams so high,
He's the One who makes me smile,
Day by day.

Jesus You're my superhero,
You're my star, my best friend.

funny how itunes shuffle songs, it suddenly played Jesus You're my Superhero by Hillsong Kids. when i first heard the song, i was helping katie out at crossroads at subi church, (its kinda like sunday school for the little kids) and the kids were so excited to sing it. i guess perhaps it was because the tune was really catchy and upbeat, and although at first i thought the kids were only singing it without knowing the actual meaning of the song (but i was just speculating since i was a kid before and i never thought about what the lyrics meant), i was soon touched by the kids fervour to worship God. you should have been there to see them, they were jumping up and down, and flinging their arms, following the actions to the songs. they were mighty cute i tell you! i think there's so much to learn from these kids! their love for God is so innocent, so pure.

anyway, while i listened to the kids sing, the lyrics reminded me of how He's the Almighty Father of us all, and i think everyone needs that reminder, that God's always the mighty one who knows whats best for us, and always there for us. i guess i have been pretty complacent of what God wants these few days, always concerned about my own self first. and i then i feel God's love: so faithful, so amazing. how He never ceases to love me despite my own shortcomings, despite my own failure to love Him back in the same way He loves us.

well, at least i know God will always be there for me, no matter what.

a shout of praise.
7:46 PM

praise God for my good results, i think i dont deserve it, after all the princess hours and whining about how i dont want to practice anymore math. lol (: God has been so gracious with my results! with O's and now TEE, i'm so thankful. i was practically screaming and jumping for joy yesterday at the party after seeing my results on TISC. haha. (:

oh yes, the party. went rather well i think! i found out that dean and james are good cooks and if sarah and i were to set up a food catering business we will invite quek's maids to cook for us too. HAHAH. how fun. maybe we could all go into food business! i can do the planning and food menus and stuff, then sarah does the nutrition stuff and dean and james can cook. hahhaha. denise can like, collect money and do pr or management or something, then judith, she can be like the model to pose for the advertisements, and quek. i dont know what he does. he can invest. HAHAH. :D sounds good. hahah, thats what happened yesterday though! hahaa. i planned the food, then most of the time dean and quek's maids cooked, we helped out. lol, you should have seen ju and sarah chopping mushrooms and sausages. hilarious i tell you! it came out in all funny shapes and sizes. but thank God the food was all edible and tasted really good even! (: i'm happy.

the party was pretty fun, the sec4s were playing with ddr, while some of the rest watched. a group of us were entertaining ourselves with music, then some were hanging around talking. quite smooth sailing! although i think we overbought food! if we had known we could have bought less and saved money to give to melrose. but oh well! better money management next time! the dunking was terrible though! i hate getting dunked into the pool and despite our furious attempts to stay dry we still got wet in the end. so lesson to learn? bring extra clothes if you ever go to quek's house for a party. there's no guarantee you get to stay dry.

but yes, the day was fun filled and i'm so glad i got to work on this with denise and judith! got to know them so much better! (: thanks guys for making it all possible! to denise, judith, quek, sarah, james, dean. (: thanks so much!

a shout of praise.
11:34 PM

ahahah, sorry i've been pretty mia for a few days, have been quite busy with christmas and all! (: i cant believe it! tmr i get my results. ): how fast. but i think God has been rather gracious to me this whole year! i pray that i'd do somewhat well enough, at least something with a 9 in front.

oh wells
(:
God has been pretty wonderful this year, and i thank Him for all that He's given me. its so weird how we say God has been wonderful. God is Always wonderful right! so, this year has been wonderful with God's amazing providence. (: and yeah, this year, lots of ups and downs. but i thank God for very opportunity given to me to find something to thank God for, for blessing me with every circumstance, so that i can strengthen my faith in Him.
for perth, it was totally an amazing experience, first not wanting to go, and then finally going, and realizing that indeed God's plan is greater than i imagined. God has blessed me so much there! with andrea happening to be in the same school as me (see the preparation before i left sg?) and then came nat and dee and kita and esh and april and xiao and so many more friends! and also with a best friend in the BH, jeannie, on the first day of school even! and then with OCF and subi church, where i was blessed even more with glenna, esther, katie, jason, raymond, judy and gang. especially glenna though! who gave me and jeannie discipleship lessons and being our mentor in everything, for being there to give us rides, even from school which is very far from her house.

in school, where i got all the really good teachers, and they were all pretty nice, always guiding me along in the right direction, my english improved, i love econs, my maths well, interesting friends in class to push me along, and very interesting chem lessons!! i loved school (: plus i got pretty good grades, slightly above average. which i'm pretty thankful for. now i hope i do well for TEE! hopefully i can get to the course i want. (:

with my church friends at home:
for kaye for being the one who's always there to listen to me, to hear my logic and my reasonings, to laugh with me, to pray for me, kaye lee! L for Love mans. (:
for sarah, who always never fails to make me laugh, never fails to make me smile, never fails to tell such stupid jokes. (:
for claire, who Always tells me all the latest gossip. (: who's always so informed about going ons in church. who pulls me to do things that i dont want to do but dont regret in the end. (:
for minf, for making me swim and excercise even if i dont want to! you suck lah, but its okay, i forgive you. hahah. (:
for yixian, who Always never complains, who always is willing to pay first, who's always siao and funky. (: thanks for letting me stay with you.
for edward, who's my msn buddy, thanks for your encouragements, thanks for your interllect (:
for james, for always listening to me, for encouraging me (: you've been one really awesome friend! thanks for your indomee. HAHAA.
for abraham, who just Happened to be my agl this year, great working with you! you can be so funny sometimes! and you make me relax! haha, thanks thanks (:
for maurice, just got to know you slightly better this year, thanks for all your silliness, for all your random lines like "its okay i forgive you" and all that.
for dean, who i can always talk to, who always listens to my nagging and whining, who's always doing things for me, for just being there. (:
how raindbowyy, maybe i should say something cheesy (haha): you guys form the colours of my life! :D :D :D

for my parents ultimately, for being the naggy ones, for giving me chances, for making me listen somehow, for making me get rest, for hearing me talk endlessly until my mom says that she needs some quiet. i swear, i talk in circles! haha, but oh well, thanks dad for listening and for your advice and your wisdom, especially when you help me with bible stuff (: thank you for loving me.

well, this is a little belated, but merry christmas everyone. (: i cant believe christmas came and went so quickly, but yeah, a new year's coming! with more to expect and more to find rewarding. God has been so faithful and loving, i want to learn to be more like Him too. (: thank you Jesus for coming down to earth to save us all. (:

a shout of praise.
10:25 AM

so anyway, since i've been talking so much serious stuff, i thought i'd just post a Not So Serious post so that people dont have to always read about such heavy stuffs. (: so here's a random one for you. (:


HEHE, i love OCF. (: we had OCF perth lunch yesterday, arranged because it was meant for a christmas gathering, but we had a secret agenda: to surprise jason because it was his birthday yesterday! so the 16 of us ate at crystal jade la mian xiao long pao at holland (and seriously i dont really like the food there, its not that nice, but its not that bad lah) and swensens for dessert (: it was yumyum (: we had 2 earthquakes and a surprise ice cream cake for jason, and the whole of swensens sang him a birthday song it was the ultimate embarrassment. :P after it all, glenna alvin liz jeannie and i went down to orchard to get neoprints taken. i tell you! so hard to walk around orchard nowadays, cos everyone's doing christmas shopping and everyone's on holiday so the traffic congestion (both human and cars) was like impenetrable! i cant wait till everyone goes back to school then i have orchard to myself :D but then again, when everyone goes back to school, i'll be like alone!~ ): alone, not good.

talking about neoprints: i like to take neoprints! partially because i always look good in them cos they're always so small. hahaha. (: and i like to draw on those machines. but they're so expensive! oh wells, i know its not that worth it to pay so much for a short lived fun but still! i likeee. :D ahh! andrea and nat! lets go take neoprints one day! :D

went for cell after, and guess what, they decided to go to a starbucks in orchard for cell! NOOOO, i tell you! back to the traffic jam! how lousy. but oh well, cell was pretty interesting! although i'm very confused about what justin was talking about, but oh well. i'll read more about it. maybe ask my dad. haha. i'll share another time (:

a shout of praise.
11:58 AM

i'm still wondering if i should stay in the winter camp comm, somehow i'm not sure if i should stay. i havent really been feeling very proactive for winter camp. i'm not as excited for winter camp as i was for ss camp. i wonder, should i really stay?

i wonder sometimes how God speaks to us; does He give us a feeling? does He give us a verse? does He reveal Himself through prophesy? does He speak to us in dreams? i think all are possible, right? but still, i wonder how to discern if its my own voice or its God's voice. i wonder if i only hear what i want to hear; i wonder if i only hear the good things and not the bad. sometimes i get so confused. sometimes i get lost on the way. but i'm glad that my God is a God of grace, i'm proud that my God is a forgiving God, i boast that my God is a God of love, i delight in the fact that my God will never let me go, whatever happens. sometimes i get scared of the prospects of that. sometimes i'm scared of failing Him yet again by sinning. i feel awful for somehow letting Him down. but i was reminded yesterday that salvation is a gift from God:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Galatians 2:8-9

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. Colossians 2:13-15

but i guess that doesnt give us the right to continue sinning huh? my dad once said, when i was feeling discouraged, that at least God has put in me a conscience that seeks to please God. i dont have to feel guilty about sinning, because every one has fallen short of the glory of God, what matters is whats inside.

i was also reminded, that God's power is made perfect through my weakness, therefore i should gladly boast in my weaknesses so God can shine through me, His power can rest on me. (2 cor 12:9) i love that verse. i shows that i shouldnt be afraid to be weak and defenseless, it means also that God is my protector, He's the one who's got the power to overcome my weaknesses. (:

so i'll continue hoping in this God, i'll continue loving Him, i'll continue praising Him.

a shout of praise.
10:15 AM

mm today was a pretty good day (: did the things i had to which made me feel more relieved, and also did the things i didnt want to. like walking the whole of orchard! which was, might i add, a mighty big task to accomplish since i'm a very lazy person, but i did it! :D hurray for me. we walked until my legs were sore and sore and sore until they wanted to drop off. lol. it was not a pretty sight. and the floor was wet. butohwells. (: shant complain when i'm getting excercise.

mmm, saw michelle saram in orchard today, she is STICK thin. and she was walking VERY fast. i was trailing behind her, and i was (as usual, like i always do to anyone) observing her and how people around her act. some actually pointed and went "look, michelle saram" so loudly i bet she heard it too, some just stared. some didnt even see anything and just walked past blindly. i was just thinking, its pretty sad to be an actress. you dont really get your own privacy. you cant go places, for fear people recognise you and point you out. especially when you're an actress who, most of the time, get the bad woman, third party roles. it is Not Very Good at all. i was thinking, on the way up on the escalator, how on earth do they live their lifestyles? what happens when they need something? do they ask their butler, hey i need you to buy me a bar of soap from the supermarket? i want XXX brand. do they even have butlers? what do they do at home all day? how about their kids, IF they have kids? hahaha, now you must be thinking, why kristi think until so far? siao leh she. hahaha, oh well. thats what i like to do. think. especially random things (:

today was pretty cool though. (: prash, ken lee, and i went out and spent alot of time at taka. we walked through almost the whole of the building! first was the toy shop on the art friend floor. we spent a heck load of time playing those stupid puzzles that you had to solve, like the metal things where you had to undo them and put them back together again. (i bet you dont know what i'm talking about.) and then we went to the toy section of the dept store, and looked at more toys again. i tell you! today was like some get-the-toy-for-christmas expedition! so many toys! hahah, but it was a fun day with kelin and prash. (: they keep me young. haha, i'm growing old!

saw random people today too!! haha, like mikey and rae. (: and tashy-san (topandasani) came from indo to here for a day (a day!!!! i know!!!!) and she's going home tommorrow morning. i'm like. !!!! ahhh, and i didnt get to meet her. ): boo.

i like christmas. (: i especially like the story, and the spirit of it all.
first the story: God sent Jesus down to earth to bless us all with the greatest gift, salvation. and perhaps this has been the most retold story of all, and repetition means the meaning might be lost among the commercialisation (or is it -ism?), but i still think its very special. (: you know, if God didnt send Jesus down we wouldnt all be saved by his blood 33 years after that. the whole "nativity story" tells us about how Jesus was born in a manger, and yet He was the King of all kings! Jesus was humbled, so that we can be saved. how amazing God's purpose is!

the spirit: i love it how people get all excited about christmas. how the spirit of giving is stirred. how everyone learns finally to share, to give (although sometimes unwillingly), but basically there's cheer all around. (: i feel happy for christmas. i feel glad that i have the chance to celebrate christmas. i feel thankful for everyone around me. i feel pleased that i've got the greatest One to watch over me. i feel cheerful, because i know i can be, and i can share the happiness all around. (: i love christmas. fullstop.

life can be so weird at times cant it? i just need to remember to look up, and turn back to God, and to talk to Him about its ups and downs, so that i will never lose sight of the one who holds me safely in His hands, and has the plans that are better than the ones i make for my life (:

a shout of praise.
11:26 PM

today was pretty good, i got some of my christmas cards done. spent a really long time out of the house today, its not funny. i'm shacked. need to sleep soon otherwise i'll just faint in jb tmr with my parents, and they probably cant carry me: my mom's back will break and my dad will faint too. (okay touch wood, i should keep my mouth shut)

mmm, today. went out with dean. played daytona with dean and i lost ALL 3 times. ): i should play with my brother more, at least my chances of winning are like 1/3. hahaha. :D sat at starbucks for the longest time just writing cards. and then yixian joined us after school and we walked around getting christmas presents. (: ate at manhattan fish market at plaza sing for dinner. was nice food! (:

i cant wait to go out with the ocf people on friday for lunch. havent seen them in the longest time and it would be really great to catch up with everyone. (:

my family's going to brmc for christmas service on monday (: how exciting, although its just shineforth. (: i'm still glad they're coming though. at least they get to see what i'm up to every sunday, my friends in church, and my brother gets to meet more friends! (: yay.

okay, i really dont know what else to say. (:
i should go sleep.

a shout of praise.
11:19 PM

this year's xmas party at my aunt's house again (:

funny how so many things change in a span of a year.
i see my cousins growing up faster and more different. their hairstyles have changed so much! they've lost weight! look at the guys, their hair looks so diffrerent! i almost didnt recognise them. okay the girls you cant really tell the difference. and i grew fatter ): but oh wells. i will lose weight!!! ahhaha (: hopefully :/

last year -> this year

and my cute cute baby cousin! :D she;s not that little, but she's the baby of the family! she's pampered :P she talks alot, whines alot. kind of like me, and she's so adorable!! (not that i'm not :P hahhahhah jkjk) introducing, myra-beth yeo:

and finally, a quan jia fu (: family portrait!

i heart my family heaps (:

a shout of praise.
10:26 PM

watched eragon today with my dad and my brother, it was pretty okay i guess. they cant really put everything in the book into the movie, seeing how the book's really long. the guy who acted as eragon is cute! (: and sapphira is so pretty.. (: and so's arya, she's stunning. one line really struck me though, it was about how sapphira told eragon how their being together meant that enemies would fear them, so eragon need not worry. i think it pretty much applies to me and my walk with God, sometimes i'm so afraid of the devil, i'm afraid of being alone at night, cos i AM scared of the dark, and i AM scared of satan and his spirits. somehow this line reminded me that God's power is greater than satan's. i dont have to be afraid of satan because i have God. life is such a spiritual battle dont you think?

but on a lighter note, i'm pretty happy that i went out and spent time with my family. i think we need to do this more, wont be seeing very much of them next year. i dont get to see them everyday like i get to now, and i wont be coming home every break i get. so yeah. i need to spend as much time with them! haha, we sure have heaps of fun. i like it when we're happy. (:

time for dinner soon. (:
shall blog later, perhaps

a shout of praise.
6:44 PM

caroling yesterday was pretty good, i think one of the best things that happened was visiting melrose home. i love the kids there, they are so cute. i think God really showed me His love through these children, playing with these kids really made me feel like i had finally something to serve God better with, and that their reception towards me really made me feel all warm inside, i felt really happy. although the rest wasnt really that great, we didnt really get much interaction time, i must admit, that we werent exactly sounding very great in the beginning, but God's grace really helped us along the way. (: they actually thought we sounded great! so All glory be to God! (:

the sleepover was pretty cool too. hahha, i learnt how to play bridge and indian poker. they're not really fun that fun, if you're wondering. i think johannes and michael and beng and sam and edward and maurice etc (just to show alot of people tried to explain to me and i still dont get it) gave up trying to teach me and left me to wonder about it on my own. i think heart attack is more fun. (: hahha.

went to ken's house after lunch today to wait for my mom to pick me up. we all ended up playing xbox :D how exciting. after the boring ultimate alliance game, we played some car racing game. so fun!!! hahah, although i got stuck alot along the way cos the car just wouldnt go in the right direction so i always ended up losing, it was all still pretty fun :D hahaha, although i might say dean and yx beg to differ, since they conked out on the sofa. haha, that was pretty funny :D prash and i tried to tickle their noses, but they were boring old people, they just slept on ):

went for my family gathering after that at my aunt's house. i really miss my whole extended family. (: so i'm really glad that i got the chance to catch up with my aunts and uncles. (: and cousins of course, not that they know anything about uni, they're all like, in primary school mans. but anyway. we were singing carols and stuff together, and taking heaps of photos. it was rather cheesy and i got quite irritated when my mom kept taking random shots of me, like some proud mom taking pictures of her overachiever kid sort of way, not that i'm an overachiever (i'm prolly an underachiever). but i love the whole atmosphere of family. i love kids. (: i love playing with my cousins, i love swinging them around, pretending they're superman. i love the way they smile, the way the run around together holding hands, i love the way they're so innocent, i love the way that they love so easily and give so freely. i love kids. (:

one thing pretty special about today's gathering: we all prayed for my grandfather together. one thing, my grandfather has lung cancer, and its quite bad, i think. its pretty amazing how God came into his life this year, so it became alot easier for us to pray for his illness. i was pretty disappointed with myself because i lacked the courage to pray aloud in front of all my uncles and aunties. something told me that i should pray for our family unit. pray for unity and strength as a family in the body of Christ. to pray for ourselves as family members not to worry and be scared because God is in control of everything. He's the one that formed us, He's the one that gave us the gift of life, He's the one that blessed us so much. so we shouldnt have to worry about my grandfather's illness, like how to pay for chemo, how my grandfather's going to pull through this. most importantly, we should let God's love shine through us to my grandfather, to love him like we never did before, to let God turn our sorrows into joy because we know for certain that our dear grandfather/father/father-in-law/husband has a place in heaven with the Father. we know that our God is merciful and He cares for us and my grandfather, so we really dont have to worry about anything. i should have prayed this prayer of reassurance, but i didnt. oh well. all in God's time.

we had a short time of a singspiration after, i played the piano while my brother played the guitar. amazingly, God blessed me with a sudden burst of something musical. miraculously, i played well, some mistakes, just not very obvious ones. and we sounded good. perhaps God wanted to minister to my grandfather, through the songs that we played. God truly is amazing huh? He never ceases to surprise me. (: God is great.

a shout of praise.
11:37 PM

in moments like this,
i'm thankful for the friendships that God has blessed me with.
thank You for those friends who encourage, who smile, who love.

in moments like this,
i'm thankful for just being wired the way i am.
thank You God for making me the way You did.

in moments like this,
i'm thankful for being able to worship God so freely.
i'm thankful for having the opportunity to know Him better.

in moments like this,
i sing out a love song to Jesus.

a shout of praise.
12:55 AM

i've been reading some of my past entries; i can still remember when i wrote some of them, i can still remember the feelings that i carried with them. the joy, sorrow, anger, love, satire. reading them now brings me so much laughter and sadness. alot of things have changed in the past 2 years - some good, some bad. i guess alot of things have spiraled out of my control, all i can do is just to leave it to God now, to let Him do the damage control and healing. on the other hand, i must also glorify and thank Him for bringing so much joy and hope into my life this past period. looking at the past, i must admit that alot of times i try to solve my own problems, to make my own decisions, to choose the course of my life. alot of those times, i have failed, or made some mistake in the process.

i think next year is going to be the next big change in my life. its going to be the point where i cross over, to become a proper young adult. turning 18, starting uni, leading in winter camp. life is going to be so different, not what i remember it to be; simple, young, innocent(-er). life is going to be daunting, complete with more fears, more worries, more sorrows. but you know what? there's going to be a truck load of jubilation, laughter and excitement. i just need to leave everything into God's big and mighty hands, and stop trying to take everything into my own small narrow perspective, so that i can finally enjoy the plan God has made out of my life.


You stood before my failures
You carried the cross for my shame
my sin weighed upon Your shoulders
my soul now to stand

so what can i say
what can i do
but offer this heart oh God
completely to You

so i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the One who gave it all
so i'll stand my soul all to You surrendered
all i am is Yours
The Stand - Hillsong United

a shout of praise.
3:13 AM

watched The Holiday today with nat, and i suddenly know why i love watching such romantic movies. its because i'm a romantic myself. i love watching chik flicks cos i love the thrill of falling in love with the characters, i love the music, i love the plot, i love the happy endings. to summarise, i love everything about a romantic chik flick. perhaps thats why my theory of love is so simple. girl meets boy, they fall in love, and kaboom, they get married and have kids and live happily ever after. love stories in the movies mostly go like this. but lets face it, this beautiful dream that such movies spin, never really happens in real life. thats perhaps why i love watching romantic movies: because i want to live in their fantasy.

in a sense, it is pretty dangerous. i remember how i, in the past, used to hope for a story like that, a story of true love and happiness till the day that i die, and i'd start to wish for something somewhere. i look in all the wrong places and when i do fall into this endless spiral, i feel scared and lost. i feel like i cant get out. and i get stuck again. somewhere. but then, i am reminded of the One who loved me with an everlasting love, the One who cared so much that He'd rather give up His life for me, so that i can be saved. then everything, all that i feel in the deep recesses of my heart, fades away, and as i look to Him, i feel a glimmer of something, perhaps something refreshing, something that takes the ache away. i feel happier, less pained. now, if i fall in love, its a blessing from God, its not mine to decide, its His decision to give, and mine to recieve.

i know, i think too much. i dramatise my life too much.
my brain is exactly like the voice that narrates in amanda's (character in The Holiday which Cameron Diaz plays) head, the voice which automatically puts her life into movie trailer mode.


but i like to think and reflect. so it suits me.


in other news,
my new laptop is here! in a sense, i cant really bear to part with my old one. it holds too many memories, but ah well :D my new laptop has more space. so thats good news ay. i need space.

the caroling practice today went pretty well! i'm really happy. God has blessed us so much, so abundantly. like claire said, we grew from a mere group of 7 to a group of 45. if God's hand wasnt in this, who's was? (: we sound really good too. now all we have to do, is go out there to carol! its not that difficult right? with God, we can do everything.


turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
and the things on earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace

a shout of praise.
10:37 PM

i've been reading blogs and not going to sleep as i'd promised.

its 3 am, and i'm thinking.

thinking of why people would choose to waste their life away
thinking of why people like drinking so much
thinking of happy things like childhood friends and playdates
thinking of life in general
thinking of why satan likes to tempt people
thinking of whether i should take a bath again or not
thinking of getting married and what its like to take care of children
thinking of my time in perth
thinking of guys in general, not a particular one, but more as a whole, a stereotype
thinking of a thank God moment: my exams are over
thinking of how to take good photos
thinking of learning diving and wakeboarding
thinking of whats happening tmr



oh shucks.
thinking of how i'm going to wake up tmr to go for a run at
SEVEN FOURTY FIVE A.M.
with kaye lee.
damn.

a shout of praise.
2:46 AM

You are God in heaven
You are the God of the universe and nothing compares to You. Lord You hold all power and glory and everything belongs to You. You are the author of salvation, the maker of the heavens and the earth, the One who is mighty to save. Lord, you are an awesome God. You reign.

and here am I on earth
Lord i am small, and i can mean nothing, but Lord, you make me significant. You made me out of love, You made me perfect in Your image, and Father, help me to be the one who travels on the narrow road to the door of heaven, not the one well travelled and wide. Lord, you make all things beautiful, help me to appreciate Your majesty and power, because i cant do anything, but through You, i can do everything.

so I'll let my words be few
Lord, help me use my mouth wisely. Help me use it to build people up, not to tear them down. Lord help me to speak words of wisdom, words of truth, words that come from and are of You and not of the world. Lord, let my words be pleasing unto you, let it not be of complaints and procrastination, of swearing and of cursing, but Father, let it be words of love and compassion, to make peace and be content. Father i pray Lord that you use me, i pray Lord that i will be a instrument for Your glory.

And I'll stand in awe of You
Lord, You created the heavens and the earth, You created all the animals that roam the earth, You created humans in Your image. You who knew us in our mothers' womb before we were even born, You who hung the stars one by one in the sky. You who know how many hairs there are on our heads, You who know each one of us by name. Lord, You who loved us so much, sent Your one and only Son to die for us on the cross, so that we might have salvation, so that we can be saved by Your blood and go to heaven. Lord, You deserve all glory and honour.

The simplest of all love songs I want to bring to You
so Father, just let me say how much i love You. Father, help me not to just speak, but also in action. Father let me love You by loving the people around me. Lord guide me, teach me, let compassion flow out of me, let Your love surround me, give me the patience to bear those not so bearable ones around me, so that i can love the people around me. Lord, especially in this spirit of giving, help me not to be complacent of the message of Your love, the story of Your Son's birth. God thank You so much for loving me. Father remind me that Your love is sufficient for me.

Jesus, I am so in love with You.
Jesus thank You so much for blessing me with all that you've given me.

a shout of praise.
10:38 PM

is that good?

in other news. guess what guys. dee just told me all the way from the US that andrea says that there is daylight savings in perth. so when i go back to perth i have to set my clock one hour ahead. i remember its because the government wants to give extra time for family time or something like that.

and then, i think i'm having fat moments. and i've still got the urge to eat.

and also, i want to go wakeboarding. and learn driving.

and caroling's on sat, and sleepover at church. which is going to be fun.

and i'm scared for my results. which is coming out in like 2 weeks.

and. and.

christmas is coming.

so's new year's eve.

so's my 18th birthday.

(: hurray.

a shout of praise.
12:21 AM

i feel like eating icecream. (: yes i know, fattening, but what to do i'm already fat so (: who cares. (:

today, today was an interesting day. went to metafusion with chris to visit the old friends there. eugene, lilee, ernest, alan, and i-cant-remember-his-name-since-i've-only-met-him-once-but-he-has-alot-of-mayday-songs-and-i-ripped-them-off-him (: not to mention uncle francis! (: it was a pretty cool time there, catching up with them since i havent seen them since jan and i miss working there so much! although i must confess we sometimes ended up sleeping a heck load cos there was nothing to do. but uncle francis was kind and since his office is in another room i think he didnt really notice us dozing off anyway. (: but it was fun. i miss downloading annual reports. the office has changed so much! they've put in another desk, changed computers, got a HUGE plasma tv screen and squeezed in a new christmas tree. (: ah, you know the time there, it seemed like one big happy family. i love them over there (: maybe when i do become an accountant (i can hear my mom going HURRAY!!) i can do their accounts since i'm not going to be doing media and comm anymore, cant do the pr stuff, or the designing, so perhaps. i can still do their accounts. maybe one day. (: that'll be like 7 years later! maybe by then they'll go global and then i can be their international econs advisor. perhaps. (:

anyway, so after spending alot of time in the office, catching up, having lunch, watching johnny english on the plasma screen tv, chris and i left for bugis junction and wonders of wonders we met christine lim and her friend eric who's also from trinity. so anyway, i went off with christine and eric cos they were going to orchard, and i needed to get my xmas cards. since they were heading off for pool, i joined them too, and then GUESS WHAT, i saw yx and his melb friends winston and chor han (however you spell it but it sounds exactly like that) and some others and then we played pool together. HAHA, i suck at pool so much that i might as well not play. i cant even hit the white ball properly, i keep missing. how embarrassing. :S but anyway, it was fun (:

the rest wasnt that interesting. i just met up with yx and bunch and hung out till dinner with my dad. (:

you know, i've been thinking, i think God has blessed me too much.
with friends
with family
with love
with money
with a house
with a phone
with a school
with fairly good grades
with the opportunity to study overseas and the experience of it
with clothes
with health
with food
with some sort of musical talent
and so much, so much more

i wonder if i have been a good steward of His gifts for me. i wonder if i have been wasting the resources He has given and blessed me with. i wonder if God is disappointed with me at times, with the decisions i chose to make. i wonder why i still complain so much even when i get so much more compared to others. i wonder why we still keep asking God to bless us more when more people in the world need His blessing more than we do. i wonder.

a shout of praise.
8:41 PM

i remember cheryl once telling me that if you playing an instrument for worship affects your own personal worship to God then its advisable that you dont play. its true though. i think it gets really distracting when i have to look for chords (cos i cant remember any chords, nor can i make them out of nothing instantly, i'm nowhere near that good), and i hate it when i make mistakes, especially when i play loudly or in the intro (many more other cases when i make mistakes while playing, but to many to slowly think and list).

today at evangel, playing alone (i call playing alone playing without a full band, especially without drums to drown out my mistakes) was scary, and it was a first. i think although most of the adults said it was okay, i still think it was pretty bad. but i'm thankful that i had kurby to accompany me on the guitar, so that my pauses didnt seem so abrupt. and i'm thankful also for evangel where i can hone the skills God has blessed me with with a congregation, because this church that i grew up in, has a small crowd, so everyone knows everyone, and we're a big happy family, so even if i screw up, no matter what, they will still smile and even say its okay, it really wasnt that bad. despite all my desperate attempts at trying to sight read the hymns (which btw, i fail EVERY sightreading test in every music exam. so thats to prove how BAD my sight reading is). i Really am thankful for that family in evangel.

well. through God's grace i pulled through. (:

hmm, went for lunch at food repb at wisma with the brmc people, and hung around with yx and prash until games. i got my new specs (: they look ultra cool man. (: i likeeee. anyway, then was games, as usual. playing captain's ball, and being lazy. which reminds me, today is such a day of injuries. we were playing softball right after it rained, and i slipped and fell cos the ground was still wet and i accidentally kicked the metal dustbin which needless to say fell to the ground with a resounding GONG and then i was so embarrassed because firstly, i slipped, and secondly, i slipped very ungracefully, and thirdly, my bum was sore.
THEN, that wasnt it. i was sitting down watching them play softball, and i was talking to claire when the softball HIT MY ARM. and trust me, what they call a softball, shouldnt be called a SOFTball cos its not SOFT at all. its UBER HARD and it hurt.
and ooh there's more, while we were playing captains ball, i was the captain and the ball hit my cheek. hard. and when i wasnt the captain edmund threw the ball and accidentally hit my other cheek. ouch lah. after that i didnt want to play anymore.

then was dinner, and it was quite fun (: and now i'm at home, after a nice cold shower, going off to play msn games. yay.

a shout of praise.
9:22 PM

was talking to a friend who didnt feel too good about something and while i was looking through some verses i chanced upon this story:

Jesus Heals a Paralytic
Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. Some men brought to him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven." At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, "This fellow is blaspheming!"

Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins..." Then he said to the paralytic, "Get up, take your mat and go home." And the man got up and went home. When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to men.
matthew 9:1-8

i think many a times i get too influenced about by how everyone else thinks that i forget to form my own opinions and without thinking, agree immediately with what they're saying. sometimes in hindsight i find that these opinions are not of God and i end up wishing i'd spoke up earlier to support what i believe in, and not just keep Jesus in my heart. (actually i think i'm not making very much sense here, its just that i saw the blaspheming part and i was reminded of my bad habit.) and i believe that God will bless me with the wisdom to discern such opinions if i ask Him for help. (: i pray that God will give me courage and strength too, to stand up for Him when i have to.

but anyways, i also think this story reminds me of some of the reasons why i believe in Jesus.
1. Jesus has the authority to forgive sin, in fact He died in exchange for our salvation.
2. Jesus can make miracles happen. He healed the paralytic by just asking him to walk!
3. Jesus had compassion. He forgave, and healed the paralytic.
4. He has the power to make even those who condemn Him believe.

at this point i am reminded of my friend who casually remarked (and i doubt intentionally) that that i should be careful to not blindly believe. but how can i not believe in this God, who is full of grace and compassion, a God who can forgive, a God who made miracles happen, a God who loved us so much that He chose to send His Son to die for us? This is the God that i believe in and cherish. This God, is my God.

a shout of praise.
1:47 AM

so today was supposed to be a day of fun-filled kite flying in the breeze at marina south park. and then we enjoy each other's company and talk crap heaps, and stare into the not-so-blue sea, remeniscing about the past. but no, instead we were 4 lazy ah pohs and ah kongs who decided that we should go to chris' house to bake cookies and stay cool, not sweat, and just in case it rains, at least we're indoors, not outdoors and have trouble finding shelter and all, with our kites in toll.

so yes, after a meal of mushroom swiss burgers and onion rings and fries and sprite (yes sprite, cos sarah doesnt drink coke or barley or ice lemon tea) at burger king, we went to chris' house. dont start questioning why of all meals to eat we chose burger king. firstly we have 2 half-australians (aka, chris and me) who havent tasted mushroom swiss burgers after eons being in australia, because hungry jacks, the supposed equivalent of burger king, just refuses to have mushroom swisses on their menu. and what else can we do when fate decides that we have to eat at bk since the minute we walk in, we see the big red BURGER KING sign, and being the forementioned lazy bums we are, we decide to have lunch there. until only after we eat, do we realise that there's mos burger and han's, so much better restaurants at novena, to eat at, but by then it was too late, and hence, our bums never left the bk seats. we talked alot, and then decided that instead of going to fly kites, we should go bake cookies. chris offered his house and a taxi ride there, so we all agreed.

shopped at cold storage for cake mix. i wish we'd taken videos at this point, because chris suggested that we play a game that he plays with his friends in melb at the supermarket: see who gets the heaviest melon. he's mental i tell you. mental! so being the sane girls we are, sarah and i left to find cake mix, leaving the guys to their own stupidity. after a heck load of time deciding what we should bake (there was a large range of stuff, like cupcakes, pancakes, cakes, muffins, cookies, brownies.), we finally concluded that we're baking oatmeal choc chip cookies. (: then we got the egg and butter and foil and took a cab to chris' house.

did i mention that chris moved to a new house? he's house is gargantuan i tell you. as if the old one wasnt big enough already, he had to move to this beautiful spanking new house. seemed like a mansion to me. anyway, so when we got there, sarah and i were like, awestruck. haha, i mean, it was a huge house! and like we stay in apartments. we suggested that chris get lifts. his house seriously has ALOT of steps. and then, after a tour around his house, we decided to start baking in one of his (get this) THREE kitchens. yes, he has three kitchens. i dont know what for. one to prepare food, one to cook and one to wash up. rights. anyway. so we mixed our batter, and put in the oven to bake. (alot of stuff happened in between here, but i shall not mention. i think you can guess anyway, how they {yes, it had nothing to do with me okay} made a mess and everything)

then we were sitting around chris' pool and staring at all the leaves in it. so chris decided to go swimming to get rid of the leaves in his pool, so okay, he got changed and started hand picking the leaves (which btw, were those small leaflet type leaves, and numerous at that) from his pool. and then he got bored, so he decided to play with his plastic bag in the pool, inflating and deflating it. then zong found the net which had a long handle, and the two of them started to catch leaves. i tell you, those two silly billies. zong was on land and chris was in the water, both of them holding the same rod, zong adjusting the length and distance, and chris guiding the net to catch the leaves. hilarious, you need to be there to visualise it all, i dont really know how to explain, but they really looked so funny just like a human vacuum cleaner, me and sarah just laughed and tried to stay sane. those two kuku birds. how gay.

anyway, so the rest of the day wasnt that interesting already. i went to meet my parents after and then had dinner and bought a dress and shorts. (: yay.

okay, off to play msn games now. (: cya.

a shout of praise.
9:34 PM

you know i think God has really been working so much in our lives that we tend to overlook it and feel that its normal until we look back and reflect, that we see that God's presence has never left us. today we were relating our experience of camp during cell, and there was so much to share among the few of us that were there today, that we went very overtime. but i think it was a really good session! to hear of the many great things that the Holy Spirit has done during camp, and many of the lessons that the Father has taught each of us there. i think its pretty comforting and encouraging to see everyone so enthusiastic about how we met God and felt His presence at camp, to hear about each other's journey of God discovery and how this camp made an impact in our lives. its encouraging. but one thing, i pray that everyone not forget to make this camp the start of something new, as bryan hoo puts it, a revival in church. God's saying that these are My people and we are the flock of His pasture. i feel that we have something great that is going to happen. something God might be promising. yes, God is still more awesome than we all know and beyond what we can comprehend. God is all knowing and He holds everything in His hands, whom shall i fear?

all of You is more than enough for
all of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
and all i have in You, is more than enough
enough - Hillsong


anyway, so in other news. went with quek today to go shopping with him since he needed more long sleeved shirts for canada tmr. WOAH, its not fair. i want to go skiing too. i want to see snow. but i guess. i'm pretty fortunate already. (: i get to fly overseas. so i shall not complain. (: maybe i will get to see snow when i go to some mountain top in aussieland. (: then i can go skiing down the mountain slope. (: oh well. so went off with quek for a few hours. slacked at home.

then sarah called. she was asking what i was doing, and if i wanted to go surprise claire at her house while she was sleeping. so i agreed and we met each other at the bus stop opposite claire's house. then we sneaked past the not-so-safe security gate, past the not-so-all-knowing security guard, and then looked not-so-secretively around for claire's block, found the right lift button, tingled the door bell of claire's front door, and when the maid opened the door, we shhh-ed her, hoping that we still get to scare claire, but NO, claire had to come out too and spoil the fun. but oh well. (: its was fun. and claire said "its chang's birthday today!" wowee. okay. (: today was very drama lah. does it sound like some matrix movie? (okay so i can see your eyes rolling. anyhoos, we had dinner and then went for cell. (rewind for the cell story) then went home with kaye and we talked. and talked. and it feels good to have someone listen (: although i'm sure sometimes she's quite tired of my blabbering. haha.

and oh yes! welcome home chris and mikey and christine! (: and whoever's back from melbourne! yay! (: so therefore its kite flying tmr! with ah wong and ah yan and ah koh and me, ah ng, before ah koh goes to melb and before ah yan goes to army and so sad ah tan going for mission trip tmr so he cant join us but, (: how exciting really, sounds fun to me. (: i should sleep soon.

a shout of praise.
11:55 PM

a shout of praise.
10:21 PM

its pretty irritating to have absolutely nothing to do, and you're stuck at home with no internet and its pouring cats and dogs outside. i mean it. i'm bored and there's nothing i can do about it. perhaps its really time to start looking for that job.

anyways, it was a good day today though. somehow all my free days at home are spent in some sort of reflection of my life. perhaps God gives me time to be still, so that He can spend some time with me instead of when i'm all busy and dont have time for him. perhaps.

"Stop bringing meaningless offerings! your incense is detestable to me... my soul hates. They have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands in prayer I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen." isaiah 1:13-15
thank You for loving me.

spent alot of time also talking to my dad about my life and how camp went. i'm pretty thankful that i have him to share with also. i think life would be very different if he werent around. made my new pair of specs today. my newer ones broke yesterday, and now i have to wear my old ones, which are, by the way about to give way also. but at least i have my older ones. i thought i left them in perth. haha. thank God i brought them home. mmm. now i have to wear contact lenses when i go out, at least until my new specs are ready. which is i dont know when. and i think i should complain, because i dont like wearing my contact lenses. i seriously think there's something wrong with them, cos my eyes get forever exhausted when i wear them, (when i take them off my eyes magically become so much more alert) and i swear! they make me feel fatter than i already am. so, in conclusion, i detest my contact lenses, hence i NEVER wear them unless i absolutely have to.

i finished grey's season 2 today. i am in desperate need of another series fix otherwise i have nothing to do tmr. its either i go find that job tmr or i go in search of another series to fill my time, which is highly unlikely at the moment, because that involves spending money, and i currently, certainly, do not have the cash to spend.

okay, its time to go. i have a tv programme to watch. (:

a shout of praise.
8:00 PM

i think camp was a pretty amazing experience for me in a sense cos it was the first time for me for alot of things. it was the first time leading in anything in brmc, it was the first time experiencing such a strong feeling of God's presence in my life, abeit a shortlived feeling, some sort of serenity and peace among the chaos i was feeling inside, it was the first time being so shaken up after visiting KWS hospital and hospice, first time where i prayed for people during minstry time, first time trying to answer difficult questions, first time understand that i cannot do things without the help of God, and i guess, the first time certain things were set straight and clarified in my life. i felt quite relieved after camp actually, although physically drained. (: thank you God for making everything possible. thank you God for answering my prayers. thank you God for reminding me that you havent given up on me.

i think the moon has been pretty weird these past few days. anyone notice a halo around the moon a few nights ago? and suddenly zong's talking to me about green and orange balls in the sky and another glowing ring around the moon. wonder whats up with outer space. maybe its some aliens trying to take over the world!! or maybe its like revelations or something occuring. hahha.

and i think the phone at home has gone bazookas also. its practically ringing off the hook practically EVERY SECOND and i wonder who on earth is my brother talking to. maybe its some secret girlfriend that he has, although i doubt it. anyway he cant have a girlfriend cos i not-so-secretly bethroth-ed him to jeannie. although jeannie only claims that she will only at the most be his would-be female best friend to him in perth, and nothing more, i have secretly planned something so maybe one day they will fall in love with each other then jeannie will be my sister in law then i will forever be her best friend and we all live happily ever after. and she can plant all her funny weird flowers and trees in her garden for all i care. HAHA. (: wonderful plan dont you think!!

caroling today, had the same normal bunch of people turning up plus a few more new faces because of the extra publicity done in camp. (: felt pretty happy today cos my altos sang pretty well today, or so i felt. hahha. but then again. we had no newcomers to my section, and it was only cheryl singing and me following and minf and eunice had sore throat and the other cheryl and lynn and sarah didnt appear SO, heehee. it wasnt really counted. (: but oh wells. (: more important to have fun and fellowship! its happening next sat! ahhh so fast already. ): somehow i dont feel that prepared mentally to go visit the old folks homes again, especially after what happened at camp. but oh well. (: i shall just leave it all to God, He shall guide me as to what to say and what to do. (:

anyway. i'm going back to being a sloth. i want sleep. i demand sleep. goodnight everyone. (i'm going to watch another episode of grey's first. heehee.)

a shout of praise.
11:55 PM